i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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