i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
