i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
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you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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