Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
