Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
that is very illegal...i love you.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
