and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize