the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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