:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
