If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
