Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
