He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just invented taco cereal.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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