i just wanna soil my oats bro
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
