I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
