I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
