This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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