i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
