I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
