this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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