Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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