I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
