I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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