we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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