i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.