WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?