I accidentally had phone sex last night
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
