What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
