8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize