i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
