By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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