you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
