I can tuck mytits in my pants
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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