do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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