I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
