Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
