i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
