4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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