strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
