Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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