Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize