sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
