I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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