If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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