3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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