ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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