By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize