you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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