Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
