I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I love having hate sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
