whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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