you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
