This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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