Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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