did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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