im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
