I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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