Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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