okay pat passed out under dana's car
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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