My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Houston, we have a blender
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
