He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Come on in and take your pants off
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