who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
