i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
