i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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