he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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