I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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