Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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