i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
