her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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